personal responsibility

i'm thinking a lot about personal responsibility today. i had a very long, hot shower which gave me a lot of time to think. =)
i've concluded:
* we are our own worst enemy (and best friend)
* if things don't go as you "want" them to, examine DEEPLY your intentions, secret yearnings, feelings behind your actions... i bet that you will find that deep down somewhere, what you "want" isn't really what you need or even desire
* only when you accept FULL responsibility for your actions, fate, life circumstances, etc., are you able to change them. sure, everyone has circumstances that affect where you are today, many of them having been formed in childhood through no fault of your own (you weren't old enough/mature enough to yet be fully aware of the responsibility you had or to control it fully; plus adults were often responsible instead of you) ... anyway. at whatever point you are in your adult life, you can realize that everything that has happened up until now has been your choice. everything that will happen from now on will be your choice as well. if you're involved with someone who is abusive towards you, why do you want that? think about it. what part of your psyche craves the abusiveness? there IS a part there, i guarantee it, whether it be as "simple" as needing something in your life to induce other people to feel sympathy for you, or as "complicated" as a feeling that you've done something wrong and need to be punished so you leave yourself in a bad situation because of this need for retribution upon yourself. FIGURE IT OUT, MY FRIEND. become aware. once you are aware, you can CHANGE. you can't change until then... let's say it's a need for sympathy... if you leave the current bad situation you will just put yourself in another one that causes you to deserve sympathy... UNLESS you figure this out and get rid of your need for sympathy! it's like treating a runny nose instead of treating the cold that causes the runny nose... LOOK DEEP. look DEEPER. there's something that you don't know about hiding inside you, causing you to make choices that seem puzzling to you. when you figure it out, you won't be puzzled any more.

you'll be free.