anyway

i'm doing well.

i've started working out. i've been seeing a personal trainer at a gym for about two weeks now. my weight in pounds has stayed fairly constant, so far, but i can feel i am stronger. i can feel that i have more muscle mass. i can feel that some of the fat has started to melt away.

i'm committed to this. i want to be in good health. i want to be strong. i want to be fit. i don't want to take an uphill walk and be terrified of an asthma attack. i think, in my situation (i can't speak for others) that part of my problem with asthma is due to fear... when my breath naturally becomes labored due to exercise, my chest starts to tighten in fear, my lungs close up in protest, afraid i won't be able to take the breath in, enough of the air in, and it causes the whole thing to get worse. i think that i've been able to push my heart rate to 180 in controlled circumstances without needing an inhaler says a lot.

i am stronger emotionally, too. i've stared depression in the face and fought it away.

things are good.