shopping

I went shopping for some jeans and I can't believe it - I am a size 4! A size FOUR! I can't remember being that slim in my adult life at ALL. Before I was pregnant I was a 10 or 12, so I'm a lot skinnier than I was then. Pff, and my mom told me that I should've been in better shape before becoming pregnant because I wouldn't lose the weight otherwise.

the story of a walk

"do you wanna go for a .... WALK!?!?! do you wanna go for a WALK??????"
pandora jumped eagerly around me, hunting for her leash, raring to go!
i clipped the leash on her, locked the door behind me, and we were off. we walked a few leisurely paces before the pure joy of being outside on such a beautiful day overcame us and we couldn't take it any more: i asked pandora to sit, and then "ARE YOU READY?!" her entire body tensed, she was poised to take off. she grabbed the leash in her mouth, and i switched it to my left hand (so as not to be tripped) and we RAN the rest of the way down the block! at the corner, she had to sit out of habit to keep from rushing into the street. then we headed down the next block, turning the corner, to get to the cool park across the street.
once there, pandora sat, gave me both paws, laid down, went to her side, and even rolled over. what a good dog! that proved her off-leash worthiness, so i released her to run along the path next to me.
when we came close to a little (ok, 10 year old) kid with a basketball, i called her to come back to me and to heel (you never know how kids will react to big-ish strange dogs) and she was so good, she came right back and didn't chase the kid or anything. no barking, either. =)
then we walked around through the grass and it was time to fetch a stick for about ten minutes. when we tired of that, i lay on the grass and looked up at the sky while panda sniffed around some trees and grass. the kid with the basketball left. that left me, the yellow dried grass fragrant and scratchy around my face and arms, pandora, the blue blue sky that slowly faded to twilight.. and then i saw the moon and i thought of sweet M and he was with me, too. ok, there were a kid and a dad on the playground a few hundred feet away, too. they didn't count though. =) pandora came and lay next to me, and that grass must've smelled fantastic to her... she rolled around in it, distributing the scent all over her body.
it was kind of cold to begin with, and i started to feel it (my fingers are still a little chilled.. can make it awkward to type, hehe)... just in a teeshirt, left my light jacket in the car at home... so we headed back. we walked past the bark-o-holic dogs behind chain-linked fences, and back up the street to my house. panda was panting as we walked inside. i got her a nice big bowl of water.
what could be better after a perfect walk?

Seasons change, people change

When I was in college, Fall semester always seemed to go so much more quickly than Spring semester did. I think now that it had to do with all the holidays: it kicked off with Labor Day, quickly headed into Columbus Day (though that was marked only by the protesting students and banks being closed; classes were still in session). Next, we had Halloween, Veteran's Day, Thanksgiving, and before Christmas (and often before Hanukkah, though it was sometimes close to Thanksgiving), school was done. It rushed by.

And because of all the holidays, we had a true holiday season. My dad and I have joked many times about how Christmas decorations begin being displayed earlier and earlier each year (few are Scroogier than the left-out Jews). When I was young, he lamented their presence appearing an entire month beforehand, starting the day before Thanksgiving. As I've aged and retailers have become more bold or greedy to start the season earlier, we've incredulously observed the start of the Christmas shopping season moving pre-Veteran's Day, pre-Halloween, and in one bold example, pre-Labor Day.

As we moved through the holiday season, the weather would change as well. Days became shorter, temperatures cooled, and there would be more precipitation. This was all predictable: year after year after year, school returned to session, the weather changed, the holidays progressed in their sequence. We celebrated each as appropriate, whether with special costume, special meal, or special activities and observation. We would gather as a family to be together at Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Things are totally different now: there is no holiday season. No Labor Day (not in September, at any rate), no Halloween, no Thanksgiving (no Veteran's Day or Columbus Day either, but they've never been that important to me). The weather is steadily getting warmer, not cooler. Of course, I'm not in school any more, either, so the days are not marked by tests or papers due. What I miss the most is the holiday season...

Breaking eggs

I've just finished The Handmaid's Tale (excellent despite the anticlimatic last section) and have been thinking about an issue that was raised in the book.
At one point, the Commander states to the female lead character, in an attempt to explain why he and other men felt it necessary to dramatically change the condition of the lives of women in a restrictive way, that it "seemed to be for the best" and that "in order to make an omelet, you have to break a few eggs."

That got me to thinking. The Commander is presuming, in his paternal manner, to speak for what is best for all women, but really, he and the other men have set up a situation that is best for themselves and all other men. The men have all the power. Who are those who enjoy omelets to speak of what is best for eggs?

Is it in the best interest of the women (eggs), really, to have had all these choices made for them? To have their freedom taken away and their interests completely disregarded? The Commander acknowledges that "for many women, things became much worse," but the "reward" was "no longer having to worry about rape or degradation" (and yet, of course, both still took place).

That reminds me, of course, of the current issue that is on everyone's tongues at the moment - the South Dakota new law banning all abortion except in cases that the woman's life is threatened. Again, I'm prompted to wonder whose interests really are being looked after here with this new law - certainly, it's not for the benefit of the women involved in a "crisis pregnancy" (as the Christian centers set up to convince women who are thinking about abortion to select a different choice so eloquently refer to it). I suppose the omelet-lovers in this situation are the fervently pro-life people (mostly men, right? how many women were involved with the creation of this law?) who have not had an abortion and would like to stop them from occurring.

Hmmm.

Kind of sad.

My last entry recalled my returning to my hometown to spend some time with my grandmother when she underwent chemotherapy...

Two months ago this cherished grandmother died. =( And I was not there to go to her funeral since I'm currently living halfway around the world. It tears me up that I was unable to be there.

Six years ago...

Six years ago, I was visiting my grandma somewhat indefinitely longterm which turned out to be ten weeks. She was undergoing chemotherapy for colon cancer, and I was staying at my dad's house nearby but coming over to her house daily for 6-10 hours per day to be with her, spend time with her, take care of her, etc. I was taking the semester off of college, and I was taking the time away from my ex as a sort of separation. I thought that it was just to give him time to think so that when I came back, we would be able to reconcile and work out our differences... but he was taking it differently. He was using the time to have his girlfriend come over to the house and spend the night all the time, and he was using the time to decide he didn't want to be with me any more.

At the time, that was devastating to me. Now, I'm glad it happened that way.

Pointing

My baby is so cute. He started pointing recently, and it's completely adorable! I love how he sees something, points, and I explain what it is, and he smiles.

New chocolate

I bought some organic chocolate with toffee bits, because I thought it'd be really good, but it was very disappointing and turned out to be actually kind of nasty. =(

I usually like organic stuff, but this was just not very flavorful. Oh well!